20. Solution?

The standard issue car for a safer road network. Pure class

This afternoon’s short account is a welcome relief from the daily moan and I’m pleased to report that after a chance encounter I may have found a solutuion for the driving standards in the UAE.

Cars are to a lot of people more than just a utility that transports them boringly from miserable A to pointless B.  To a lot of us a car is an extension of our personality, it’s a way of letting others know a little about whom we are; with a delicate touch of vanity permitted.

You can tell a lot about someone from the car they own.  If it’s a red (non)Mini-Cooper S then that generally means they’re a bit of an attention seeker.  If they drive a BMW it means that they don’t mind tailgating you.  If you drive an Aston Martin it means you have taste.  If you drive a Citroen Saxo with a plastic body-kit and lowered suspension it means your penis is probably quite small.  If you drive a Kia it means you know nothing about cars and care little for automotive style.  And finally if you drive a Toyota Land Cruiser it means…well, no point in being rude.

Here in the UAE it is a common sight to see big expensive cars ruined by needless modifications.  Range Rovers with massive air-intakes on the bonnet and Mercedes AMG’s with blue neon lights on its undercarriage; these are all the hallmarks of a person trapped in a pit of vanity and genital extensions.  It’s all nonsense, if you can afford to do all that cosmetic surgery to your car then you can surely afford to buy a proper car that needs no work doing to it in the first place.

Sometimes, just sometimes, someone does just that.  They fork out the capital on a car that requires nothing more than petrol in the tank.  It needs no stupid modifications like a gold exhaust or wheel rims that pour champagne at the press of a button.  The Rolls-Royce Silver Spur II simply says “Good morning, I love cars; I hope you love mine as much as I do”.  He’s right, I do and I would happily go and buy him a coffee.

The Silver Spur II is a car you don’t drive quickly.  Not because you can’t, but because you don’t want to.  You want to make the journey last as long as possible.  You will be compelled to drive within the confines of the traffic regulations because you wouldn’t dare give the car a bad reputation or indeed risk it in a collision.  People will see you and think “wow look at that Rolls!” with half the reason being the cars astonishing beauty, and the other half because they saw you indicating when leaving the roundabout.

Is this the solution we have all been looking for?  Is the answer to the driving issue over here to furnish everyone with a Rolls Royce?

I don’t care if the cars owner is a convicted felon; they are truly a genuine car-lover and a model driver.  He’s probably quite well off in the trouser department too…



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