28. Parking

In order for society to function correctly there needs to be a set of rules, there needs to be order.  There needs to be a government that

Left a bit...right a bit...just fold in the wing mirror will you...NO NO NO!!!!!! (Photo courtesy of Paul Granger Photography Ltd.)

doesn’t let the banks do as they please or bow to the pressure of the evil Trade Unions.  There is also a need for courtesy, the will to follow an unwritten code so that mankind can live together in perfect harmony.  Without rules you have anarchy, and as far as my research can prove there is no recorded case of anarchy ever prospering as an economically healthy or socially suitable model.

Look at Somalia as a case in point.  It hasn’t had a stable government since 1991 and as such some of its people like to take small boats out to sea to steal bigger boats and hide the crews in cupboards at gunpoint.  Back on land things aren’t much better as more horrendous crimes are committed each day than you can possibly imagine.  Society doesn’t even exist.  It is therefore safe to assume that Somalia is not going to be chosen to host the World Cup or the Olympics any time soon.

The UAE is the polar opposite of Somalia.  There are many laws, some of which contradict themselves and others that don’t really make any sense.  But nevertheless the laws are enforced when they are needed and as such crime levels are staggeringly low and the UAE is one of the safest places to live in the world as a result.  So that’s all well and good, but what about the rules that aren’t law?  How do they fair in this desert land?  Not well I’m afraid.

All this talk of international anthropology neatly brings me on to the matter of parking.  You can argue with me until you’re blue in the face but white road markings are rules.  They are painted in various locations to inform you that that particular place is a designated parking area and that it has X amount of spaces available.  Good stuff.  Furthermore the white lines indicate where your car should be located in the parking area.  If there are 50 spaces available then 50 cars shall fit.  If however just one person out the 50 fails to follow the instruction of the white lines and decides to straddle them then the remaining 48 cars will all follow suit, and the 49th shall be unable to park at all.

Big deal you say.  So one car out of 50 cant park in a row of bays because one berk can’t navigate between two thin stripes of paint?  Well what if that person needed to go to the bank to pay off a debt to avoid jail?  What if it was near a hospital and his wife was about to give birth?  What if it was you?

We are blessed in the UAE with such a selection of parking spaces and car parks, it’s a parkers dream.  With the exception of Wild Wadi which won’t allow any car inside that is bigger than a Micro Machine car parking couldn’t be easier.  All the bays are angled to make turning in as easy as possible and you are given lots of room to open your doors.  How is it then that people still get it so shoddily wrong?  How can they be that bad?  All cars have a rectangular footprint, all bays are essentially a quadrilateral too… the square goes in the square shape, not the circle…

I’ve got it!  I was procrastinating a bit there trying to come up with a solution, but in a flash of light…  We send the driving schools those toys where indeed you are given an assortment of different shapes and it is up to the user to deduce which hole in the box the shapes should fit into…this would then be a standard part of the driving test and anyone who tries continuously to make the triangle fit inside the octagon is obviously incapable of parking a vehicle and therefore shall fail his or her test…  These under-graduates will soon either come to realise what they are doing wrong and try to remedy the situation or give up altogether and society will be all the better for it…

And who knows?  Maybe one day the Olympics will come to the UAE?

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4 thoughts on “28. Parking

  1. WHITE WORDS says:

    msh momken apdan lol

  2. Teri Adams says:

    they can’t drive so I don’t know why anyone would assume they can park..

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