As the blog continues to reach out to all 4 corners of the globe – now up to 43 countries – it is inevitable that some people in some quarters are going to get upset with some of the material that I talk about. It was only going to be a matter of time before someone cottoned on to what I was up to, and then retaliated…
Over the course of time we have seen many rivalries, with goodies on one side questing for justice and badies on the other looking to steal all the gold. Sherlock Holmes was pitted against Professor Moriarty, Superman was constantly getting into scrapes with Lex Luthor, Captain Kirk didn’t get on very well with Khan Noonian Singh and George W. Bush had just about everyone else…
The idea of the one-on-one adversary is, to be honest, a bit out-dated. You don’t get too many of them these days…well maybe Sky News’ Adam Boulton and Labour’s Alistair Campbell. The best kind of modern enemy is a common enemy, maybe even a franchise, someone or something with whom a team can unite against. What better way for a team to improve and learn to come together? Well this week the penny dropped…I am that common enemy – or franchise.
At first I felt quite sad, but only until I realised that I could give myself an awesome alias or alter-ego…The Blogger…The Englishman…Mad Dog Marty… What fun it would be to choose. Where would my fiendish hideout be? Would I have to carve my face into the side of Jebel Hafeet? Would I have a henchman? What would his characteristics be? I sat there alone in a café brooding over all the details, and even produced some quite corking sketches of my costume.
“So” I hear you all ask, who? What? Where? When? How did I become public enemy number one? Well the other day I went to that weird kitsch café in Al Ain Mall for my breakfast pizza. As usual I ordered my Americano coffee to kick off proceedings. It turned up with milk on side, hot, as per usual…but the little tea cake and jammy dodger biscuit where missing. Good old English reserve meant that I wasn’t going to cause a fuss, I simply assumed that they had ran out, which was no problem. The following day I went back and again ordered a coffee and for the second the day in a row the cakes and biscuits weren’t there.
Day 3 and everything started to become clear. I happened to notice that the people sitting around me were eating the tea cakes and jammy dodgers…everyone was, everyone but me. It was then that I whipped out the Blackberry and delved to this very website. I spooled through the topics and sure enough…blog 24: Waiters. I read through it again and deduced that one of the staff in that very cafe had been monitoring my online activity. Clearly my comments had caused quite a stir and as an act of vengeance I was being denied my tea cakes and jammy dodgers.
Is it a total loss? Actually no, quite the opposite in fact, I can buy the same ones from Lulu Hypermarket or Carrefour. It is quite obvious to see that – despite the fact they are probably spitting in my coffee and sneezing on my pizza – the service has improved considerably. I have been there 5 times since I noticed something was afoot and not once have I encountered a single error. So for the greater good being disliked by the waiting staff has provided an all round better experience for its patrons. And if all it takes for people to improve is read what I write, even if I have to deal with the fact that they won’t like me, then so be it. I will take the bullet.
So, live bands…TURN THE DAMN VOLUME DOWN!!!