54. Indicating

Since the dawn of the civilised world at some point in the Victorian era there have been plenty of customs practiced throughout the world that offer respect.  There are plenty of examples, when you meet the monarch you bow or curtsy.  When opening a door it is customary for the person on the right to go through first.  You always offer a lady a hand when getting off a train and you should always take your shoes off when entering someone else’s home, unless of course you have bought a house in a flood plain, and it’s summer, in Wales.

Of course the UAE is very proud of its culture and Emiratis are taught from a very young age on how to show respect to their brethren and the like and its all jolly exciting.  Britainists are also taught more about respect these days, for example we are no longer told to go and conquer other countries and steal their tea, but to keep our elbows off the table whilst eating instead, this has made us very popular.  Sadly however there is no global guidebook that covers all the different things you can and cannot do to show respect, and that leads me on to the point of today’s missive.

I offer you a scenario.  I am driving my car at the speed limit in the third lane, the left one.  I am keeping within my lines and checking my mirrors at regular intervals.  There is a car, which we shall refer to as Datsun Dave, just ahead of me in the middle lane travelling at a speed that is considerably less than the limit.  Without any warning at all (i.e. the donut didn’t indicate) he veers into my lane directly ahead of me.  He has failed to increase his velocity and as such I am now approaching at pace from the aft.  What do I do?  Do I have to suffer the inconvenience of turning off cruise control and slow down?  No chance, there is nothing more irritating than that.  Do I plough into the back of him causing untold carnage just to make a point?  Hmm…there would be implications.  Would it be suitable to flip him off with a carefully chosen finger?  I fear not, not if I wanted to keep the finger anyway.

Sadly I have to apply the brakes which mean all the empty bottles of water and old coffee cups fly all over the place and then I am forced to apply the horn with vigour.  I mean, what did I do to him?  Why did he show no respect to me whatsoever?  I would have indicated to let him know that I was changing direction.  It’s just poor manners from a selfish person.

People like old Datsun Dave are a pest, a menace of the road that sits on par with the fabled tailgating Land Cruiser.  People like Datsun Dave

Well done Ashley Young… but we agreed to join the non-indicators, not hurt them…  You missed the point, again.

have as much respect for courteous driving practice as Kim Kardashian has for the sanctity of marriage.  In a bygone era he would have been ostracised, outcaste, forced to flee the driving garden of Eden and live with the insects and monsters in the netherworld.  But today he is not alone.  He is just one of many who think that it’s perfectly ok to change lane suddenly without warning and that it’s ok to slam on the anchors and hang a hard right whilst causing a multiple pile up in his wake.  So, what to do, what to do?

We can’t do pugilism or murder as these practices are uncouth, and there would certainly be long term ramifications.  Sadly sounding the horn is about as effective as an Ashley Young penalty kick and intentionally crashing into the non-indicator will cause you a great deal of inconvenience.  So, not for the first time, I urge you to join the masses.  Maybe I’m running out of ideas, but if people are going to show you a total lack of respect by not indicating in front of you, then you don’t either.  Let’s let them all know that we are not to be messed with, that two can play at that game.  Because then and only then will these “drivers” begin to notice that a bit more of their car is missing each day and this will inevitably lead to some question asking and some soul searching.  Eventually the amount of crashes will increase causing insurance premiums to go up, the key offenders will soon realise that they can’t afford to keep up and will have to either a) stop driving or b) sort themselves out.  Either way you and I are going to be far better off.

Hmmm…slightly poisonous material in the blog today, encouraging people to stop indicating and cause collisions… Meh, it’s no worse than watching Kim Kardashian maintain a scripted 72 day marriage.

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