81. Beauty

I am forever being asked by my readers where I get my ideas from and how does the stuff that I write about enter my mind.  My answer is simple: I look out the window, open the paper or think back to what happened last Thursday.  Additionally, when I’m not sitting here in my mind palace constructing hatchet job missives I trawl through the inter-web-highway-information-net looking at the work of others.  Not to plagiarise, being original is my motto, but to keep my finger on the pulse.  As such I am signed up to a social networking thingy called Bloggers.com which is kind of like Facebook but for bloggers only.  It’s a fairly exclusive club.

Every day 3 bloggers are featured on the homepage under the banner of “Editors picks” and the subject of at least 2 out the 3, every single day, are “beauty blogs”.  They are generally for a female audience and all talk about what goes with what, what to wear, what not to wear, what will attract a spouse, what will this and what will that.  At first I labelled any such writer as an enemy, “bloody beauty bloggers again hogging all the cyberspace” I would cry.  My fiancé maintains that such things are tremendously popular and that the reason they appear so often as an Editors pick is that they get a lot of hits and have a very large audience.

I have been trying to get UAE Uncut more publicity lately.  I went on Twitter, clicked “Follow” on about a million people who I don’t know and post a link each time I publish some more rubbish.  The same is true with Facebook; a fan page was recently commissioned by my marketing department.  It is doing ok, views per post range between 1 and 250 daily, but that pedestal of being an Editors pick on Bloggers.com eludes me still.  So, if witless political commentary and spurious anecdotes about the UAE won’t elevate me to blog-stardom then I guess that I’m going to have to sell out.

In an extraordinary coincidence today’s blog is about “Beauty”, UAE beauty in fact, somehow.  Let’s start with clothes.  The first question to ask is how can beauty in clothing be defined?  Surely what is complimenting to one persons personality is vomit to another.  So really, is there any point in debating it?  Well, let’s see how far I can drag it out.  Most local women wear Abaya’s so what they’re wearing underneath remains a mystery.  The expat community generally wear what they like but try to remain modest except when they don’t.  They will usually wear what suits them.  So in summary, it’s kind of up to you…


Next, let’s talk make-up.  I have had the pleasure of spending many an hour of my life sitting in a make-up shop relentlessly spooling through Facebook on my Blackberry whilst the person I’m with plays with paint and coloured powder.  Some girls are very modest with their make-up and apply sparingly.  Others really paint it on there and soon become more of a Picaso portrait than an actual person.  But really, it’s down to the individual.  In conclusion…well it’s already been said, it’s down to you.

Why don’t we have a look at eye-brows for a moment?  Most women have 2, one above each eye.  In some cases they are plucked, or drawn on, or not touched at all.  In other cases the eye-brow bearer opts to connect them both and make one massive omni-brow.  This is as far as my opinions stretch, but that’s not a good look.  Ok, it’s up to you how to grow your eye-brows, but it is plural for a reason.  Simply having one almighty topiary hedge growing out of your face is not a good look.  But again, you do what you like.

Nails?  Some women like to have their nails painted red but would scoff with disgust at someone who has yellow painted nails.  For others it could very well be the other way around; yellow before red.  Either or, doesn’t matter, you choose a colour based on your preference and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.  They’re just haterz.

How is this topic the subject of so many blogs?!  It’s impossible.  I don’t know if I can go on anymore about it.  All I’m doing now is throwing random words onto a Microsoft Word document.  The conclusion, UAE beauty is something that is a matter of opinion, is that acceptable?

So, Mr. Editor at Bloggers.com, I did it, I joined the fold, I am now a “beauty blogger”.  Can I please be one your picks now?  The UAE needs me.

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